I didn't have the best of days yesterday, and I almost gave up on a company I've spent 11 years of my life with. Needless to say, after certain events happened I spent the rest of the day and night thinking (and completely broke down while reciting said events to my wife).
I’ve not made any rushed decisions and I don’t plan to, but it did bring to light that I may need to expedite a certain plan that I’ve been formulating for the past six months. It’s been some time now that I’ve had the thought of leaving my current job, with the intent to focus more on my photography and the business that I’ve started. That plan was to continue to build my business while working for the current company that pays me a full-time salary. That plan is also the “safe route”, a plan that has a continual safety net to it, while also being a plan that requires me to continually be undermined / humiliated / manipulated / devalued / and disrespected to the utmost level, day in and day out.
I will not rashly quit a job on a hope and prayer, or with the thought that I’ll “figure it out as I go”. But I do now acknowledge that there may need to be a plan that involves “heavy risk decisions”, over completely “planning it safe” like I have been.
For years I’ve had this gnawing, fearful, sickening and depressing feeling that’s lingered over my head, never quite figuring out what it was that was causing it. After yesterday I have a better understanding of what it is, and I embarrassingly should have known so long ago, that it’s the company I’ve worked for and the people I’ve worked under for the past 11 years. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for the few positives that have been dotted throughout my time with this current company. But unfortunately, the negative aspects and events I’ve had to endure for over a decade, have far exceeded those positives tenfold or more. It’s time for Me to start striving toward living a better life for Me, stop trying to continually please others, and waste time & effort on those that blatantly do not care about me or the value I bring.
If you had to put a title to it, I guess you could say that I’m “quietly quitting”, a phrase that I’ve also only just recently heard, and saddens me to realize that there is so vary many that are in a similar situation, required a title to be made for such situations. I had hoped that my current employer wasn’t nearly as bad as rumored to be, and that I would work under managers and higher ups that treated me as an employee should be treated. But instead I’m embarrassed to say (and to realize) that I’ve allowed myself to go through so much unnecessarily, due to being so naive. That all being said, I need to allow past mistakes to be lessons that will help me make better decisions in the future, and not worrying so much about what can’t be changed.
I may be less present on social media for a little while, just long enough to conduct some hard planning. But know that I’ll be back, this is after all what I’ve found that I love to do, more than anything else I’ve done in the past. I just need to figure out how to help it come together, so that I may use it to build a happier and more fulfilling life for myself and my family.
Until next time, I hope you have fantastic and happy days ahead, and I’ll catch y’all later.
Andrew Hoyle – Grimlock Media
